How Many Times Can I Start Over?

I hate how hard it is to lose weight. The struggle to gain control of my self destructive behavior is a daily battle with myself that is never ending. A battle that I have fought for the better part of my life. I have started over so many times and I hate to admit that I've had to start over again just in the past week.

I'm so tired of starting over. I'm tired of watching the scale go up and down. For once I would love to see it consistently going down. When I think of all the times I have lost 30, 50, 70 pounds just to gain it back I could just cry and then kick myself.

I don't know why, but this time in my life seems to be different. It's so much harder than it's ever been before and I'm heavier than ever. I feel the mountain in front of me is too high to climb. Most days I just want to stay in bed under the covers where no one can see what a failure I am. I feel defeated before my feet ever hit the floor.

I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm just being real. I need to vent. Struggling everyday just to put one foot in front of the other is so frustrating.

Quitting is not an option. There may be days that don't go as planned and I may have to keep starting over every day, but I refuse to stop trying.  I'm praying that a "never say die" attitude will eventually take root in my mind. It's going to take a lot of talking to myself and praying.

Lately I've been weak in my prayer life. No excuses, just laziness, I'm ashamed to say. I know when I'm in tune with God that things are better all around.

Things are fixing to change. I know I can do this if I get my head straight and stay focused on the goal. I'm going to continue with Weight Watchers for the time being. I know it will work if I work it. I really do like the new Freestyle program.

I'm praying that I can turn my attitude around and start believing what I'm preaching. Say a prayer for me. Feel free to comment with encouragement or share any tips or recipes you may have. No negativity please.

Till next time, God bless! :)

The Struggle Is Real

I know it's been a while since I have given an update on my progress. There is a good reason for that; my progress has been more like a yo-yo than a steady downward motion like I would prefer it to be.

I could have waited until I was making really good progress to share with you, but the truth is, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL! I have yo-yoed up and down with the same eight pounds for the past few weeks. You read that right, I said eight pounds.

I suffer and am treated for hypothyroidism, which means my metabolism is slow. My doctor has told me that this will hinder my progress. But I really believe the problem lies within myself. I just have to get my head in the game.

I write to you today to be honest and transparent. This journey is HARD and it's not a straight and unhindered path. It's full of twists and turns and hills and valleys. There are definitely days I feel like throwing in the towel and just sitting down with a bag of powdered donuts.

I'm happy to report that I am on the down side of that eight pounds I keep playing with. I've lost four of those pesky pounds. And I know that with God's help I'm going to keep moving forward. I know He's got my back and with Him all things are possible.

I hope that by sharing my journey with you that I might help someone else who may be struggling with their determination and will to keep moving forward. Don't give up!

One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God has a plan for your future. Let Him help you through this journey.

Remember, this is a journey, it's not just a quick trip to the mailbox. We have to take it one day at a time, one step at a time.

Kickin It Up

Thought it was time to post an update. I have struggled with my journey and the scale has not been moving, until now.

I've made some major changes to my way of eating and it has made all the difference. I have lost eight pounds (in nine days) since making these changes.

I'm no longer eating sugar, bread, pasta, high carb fruits, or starchy vegetables. It hasn't been easy. Getting started was a challenge for sure, but I haven't regretted it for a moment.

I'm feeling better than I have in a while and I really don't get that hungry.

What I do eat is a lot of protein, salads, and vegetables. I snack on pickles, pepperoni, cheese sticks, almonds, and pork rinds. For a sweet treat right now I'm snacking on sugar free jello and 70% or higher dark chocolate. I'm trying to limit my intake of sugar free products, as they can have carbs and contain sugar alcohol.

I'm still learning in this process. But so far I am very pleased with the progress I have seen. It's not an easy way to eat, but it is working for me.

Vacation is coming up and I know that's going to be a challenge, but I am going to do all I can to stick to this new eating plan. My health is so worth it.

Before making these changes I was at the point of giving up. My hope was at an all time low. Now I'm seeing a light in the distance.

Until next time, God bless!

Hanging Out On a Plateau

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. I have just been hanging out here on a plateau.

In my last post I shared that I had gained a few pounds and unfortunately, I'm still holding on to them. Thankfully, I haven't gained more.

It's very frustrating to be hanging out here in this place, stuck! I keep reminding myself of how far I've come to keep from giving up. I don't want to go back to where I was before.

So, I thought I would share some research I've done on how to break through a plateau with you all. I plan to incorporate these steps into my routine to hopefully perk things up.

1. Adjust your calorie intake: You need to revise you calorie goal about every 10 pounds. You metabolism may drop as you lose weight as your body will require fewer calories. MyFitnessPal is a good tool to use to help you with your weight loss goals.  
2. Quality: It's not just about calories in and calories out. Processed foods just won’t do anymore. Stick to quality whole foods like vegetables, beans, high-fiber fruits and lean proteins.
3. Change up your routine: If you've been doing to same exercise routine for the past several months, it’s time to change it up. Muscles will get familiar with the same workout, making the same old routine less effective. To see a change, try getting outside of your comfort zone.  Do something different with a little more intensity. 
4. Watch the extras:  An extra bite here, a little nibble there. Those calories count and will add up. 
5. Sleep:  A full night’s sleep is important to losing weight because it resets your hormones. Even just a small amount of sleep deprivation can lead to increased cortisol, a stress hormone. Elevation in cortisol levels can lead to fat accumulation around your midsection.
6. Stay hydrated:  Even if you are mildly dehydrated your body will often crave food. Aim to drink 80-100 fluid ounces (2.35 liters) of water per day plus additional fluids lost during activity.
7. Add protein:  Protein burns more calories during digestion because it has the highest thermic effect of food. Protein contains amino acid and leucine, which studies have identified as a effective agent for burning body fat.

Hopefully adding these things to my routine will spice things up and get the scales moving again. I will let you know how it goes.

As always, feel free to share your tips, struggles or success in the comments!

Till next time, God bless! :)

What I've Learned So Far

When I began sharing my journey, I said I would be honest. So far the journey has been slow but steady; but in the past two weeks I have experienced a set-back. I have gained a few pounds and I feel I must share not only my success, but also my miss-steps.

I have no one to blame but myself. I have indulged, I haven't exercised as often; in general, I've been lazy!

What I've learned through this whole process though, is how strong I really am and how far I have come since the beginning.

When I weighed last week and saw a gain, I was truly angry with myself. The rest of my day was a disaster, as far as self control goes; let's just say, I didn't have any. I literally threw in the towel, but only for the day.

By the end of the day I was still angry at myself, angrier because of my loss of control, but more determined than ever to get where I'm headed.

I can't explain it, but I just know, that I know, that I know that I will only fail if I don't get back up, dust myself off and get my head straight again.

I know that with God's help I can do anything I put my mind to.

So, with all that said, I'm scrapping a couple of bad weeks and starting fresh.

I've learned that giving into a craving and having it in the house leads to a binge for me. I just can't handle it. If I'm going to have a treat, it needs to be a serving size and that's it, no left overs, no seconds. If it's here, I will eat it.

I've learned that I need to exercise. Even if it's just for 15 minutes, I need some form of exercise everyday.  It not only helps me with weight loss, it helps with my mood. I'm a much happier, relaxed person when I exercise.

So, I've stumbled, I've taken a step back, and now I'm dusting myself off and I'm back on track. I hope that by sharing my journey, the good, bad and the ugly, that I will encourage someone else who is fighting the same battle.

I would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment and share your struggles, successes or tips!

Till next time, God bless!! :)

Difficult Week But Still Moving Forward

This past week was a very difficult one.  I have had the worst kind of cravings.  For the most part I was able to exercise self control.  I did, however, have a temporary set-back on Friday.  I broke down and had onion rings from Sonic.  Now I'm not talking about just a few onion rings.  I went all out and ordered a large.  Do you know how many calories are in a large order of onion rings?  There are over 600 calories in a large order of onion rings and I ate every last one of them!

The worst part of this lapse in judgement was the feeling afterward.  I felt awful and extremely disappointed in myself.  

Not all was lost though, because although I struggled; my weigh-in was not disappointing.  The scales showed I was down another 1/2 pound this week; bringing me to a total of 12 1/2 pounds lost. I certainly can't and won't complain about that.

In a way it's getting easier to make the right choices.  Today we had lunch at Cracker Barrel and I automatically went to the healthy portion of the menu.  I think that the fact that I had a recent set-back was helpful in my decision making process.

While I was looking at the menu I didn't just see the healthy menu.  I, of course, saw all the tempting offerings that were definitely the wrong choices.  But, I also remembered how I felt after making a poor choice on Friday.  I'm proud to say I made the right choice today.





Note:  I saw this picture online the other day and I thought it might be a neat visual reminder to help stay motivated.  I'm going to use some colorful marbles in mine.  

This Is Me

This is me.  This picture was taken in late June while I was on vacation with my family.  I was miserable.  I couldn't walk and breathe at the same time.

This vacation was a wake up call for me.  I had to do something to change my health.  I did not want to go on being this way.  There were a couple of moments during this vacation that I cried because of how uncomfortable I was in my own body.

I haven't always been this heavy but  I have always struggled with my weight.  When I was about 14 - 15 years old I had reached 200 pounds. That's way too much weight for someone who is only a hair over five foot tall. I decided then to make a change.  I started counting calories and exercising and I managed to lose 70 pounds over the next year.

I kept the weight off for the most part (it was a constant struggle) until I was married.

When I was pregnant with my son I gained 40 pounds.  When he was born he weighed ten pounds and before I left the hospital I had lost 27 pounds.  I lost the rest of the baby weight before returning to work, but I was still a little heavier than I wanted to be.

My son was about two years old when I started Weight Watchers online.  I started losing at a pretty steady pace and was feeling a lot better about myself.  Then something went wrong.

I was dead on my feet.  I was so tired and sleepy (me the insomniac) all the time; all I wanted to do was sleep.  My hair started falling out, my skin broke out, my fingernails were splitting and chipping, and I started gaining weight quickly.  I gained 30 pounds in a month!  I thought I was dying.

I made an appointment and went to see my doctor.  After running some tests, he discovered  that my thyroid had basically quit working.  I have been taking medication for hypothyroidism since that day.

Losing the weight was much harder after that.  It seemed I had to work much harder and it came off very slowly.  I battled with the scales, up and down, up and down.  I eventually just gave up.  I was tired of fighting.

You know what happened then?  I gained more weight.

That brings me to the present.  Here I am, not the heaviest I've ever been, but way too heavy for my small stature and miserable in my own skin.  I'm being gut-wrenchingly honest here.  I don't normally talk about something this personal to me in this open a manner.  My weight is a very personal and embarrassing issue to me.

I have lost four pounds since I returned from vacation.  I'm eating less and moving more.  I'm trying to make positive healthy changes in my life.  I have a long way to go before I reach my goal but I'm more determined than ever to get there.

I have decided to write about this journey because I know I'm not the only person fighting this battle.  I hope that writing about it will help me stay on track.  Maybe it will help you too.  I welcome your encouragement, tips, or even questions (no haters please).

God Bless...
 

Update

Well people, I'm not doing so good on the diet front.  I rejoined Weight Watchers, but I have managed to gain weight, not lose.  I am very discouraged and down on myself at the moment.  I just can't seem to get my momentum going in the right direction.

No fear, though, I am not giving up by any means.  This week I am doing much better and I am determined to stick to my goal.  I knew starting out that this was going to be a hard road to travel and I told you all that I would be honest about my struggles.

To be honest, I haven't posted in a while because I am so disappointed in myself and I didn't want everyone to know that I haven't made any progress.  But, I feel like if I don't let you know and I don't admit the truth, then I will continue to hide my head in the sand.  So, hopefully this update will give me the kick in the butt I need to get my momentum heading in the right direction.

So, good or bad, I will be giving an update on Tuesday, which is the day I have to weigh in.  I know I'm not alone in this struggle and I hope that I can encourage others battling this same issue.

Till Tuesday....