How Many Times Can I Start Over?

I hate how hard it is to lose weight. The struggle to gain control of my self destructive behavior is a daily battle with myself that is never ending. A battle that I have fought for the better part of my life. I have started over so many times and I hate to admit that I've had to start over again just in the past week.

I'm so tired of starting over. I'm tired of watching the scale go up and down. For once I would love to see it consistently going down. When I think of all the times I have lost 30, 50, 70 pounds just to gain it back I could just cry and then kick myself.

I don't know why, but this time in my life seems to be different. It's so much harder than it's ever been before and I'm heavier than ever. I feel the mountain in front of me is too high to climb. Most days I just want to stay in bed under the covers where no one can see what a failure I am. I feel defeated before my feet ever hit the floor.

I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm just being real. I need to vent. Struggling everyday just to put one foot in front of the other is so frustrating.

Quitting is not an option. There may be days that don't go as planned and I may have to keep starting over every day, but I refuse to stop trying.  I'm praying that a "never say die" attitude will eventually take root in my mind. It's going to take a lot of talking to myself and praying.

Lately I've been weak in my prayer life. No excuses, just laziness, I'm ashamed to say. I know when I'm in tune with God that things are better all around.

Things are fixing to change. I know I can do this if I get my head straight and stay focused on the goal. I'm going to continue with Weight Watchers for the time being. I know it will work if I work it. I really do like the new Freestyle program.

I'm praying that I can turn my attitude around and start believing what I'm preaching. Say a prayer for me. Feel free to comment with encouragement or share any tips or recipes you may have. No negativity please.

Till next time, God bless! :)

The Holidays Are Over

I'm sure I 'm not the only one who can say that the holidays were hard on my will power. My determination and healthy eating plan went out the window most days. Of course I gained weight and now I'm working on repairing the damage.

I had really good intentions of staying on track during the holidays, but I just found the temptations too overwhelming. "I'll start over tomorrow," became my go-to mantra.

Now that the holidays are over, I'm trying to get back into my groove. It's not easy. I'm just going to be real with you, I don't want to do it most days. I want a magic pill that will just make all this fat go away. But, since that's not going to happen, I have to muster up some will power and push through one day at a time.

It has been a slow start. Most days start good, but more times than I like to admit, they end badly. I just am finding it hard to get motivated. I feel like there's no point in trying sometimes. That hasn't stopped me from starting fresh each morning though, so I must still feel like there's some light at the end of the tunnel.

I am starting "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst again. It really is a good book/tool to help with Godly encouragement. There is a book and devotional. I recommend them both.

I share this with you not to discourage, but to just be transparent and real with you. I know there are others who are going through the same thing and I want you to know that you are not alone. I'm certainly not giving up and you shouldn't either. This is a marathon, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Confession Time

Yet again I have allowed myself to lose control. I find myself back at the beginning and at an all time high with my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. I didn't weigh this much when I was nine months pregnant with my ten pound baby boy.

I feel like a nine month pregnant person. I'm miserable, I have trouble moving, my clothes are uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I wobble when I walk.

The cold hard truth is, I'm the only one that can do anything about it. The problem is, I feel so defeated that I don't even know where to start. I feel so overwhelmed with where I have allowed myself to get and this hurdle just feels impossible to get over.

So, beginning again, one day at a time. If I can make it one day, then I can make it two days and so on. Right now though, I have to focus on that ONE DAY. If I think past that I just can't deal. I start to feel the pressure of making the right choices all the time and start to feel out of control.

I truly feel like the right thing for me to do right now is to count calories and try to be more active. Counting calories will allow me a little more freedom with food choices. If I want a piece of chocolate, I can have it. But, I also know that making healthier choices will allow me to improve my health and eat a little more. The goal is health, plain and simple.

In the past several months I have been following the Keto diet plan and I did lose some weight. But, I fell off the wagon and gained it all back. I found all the food restrictions to be difficult to handle and I would end up binge eating carbs and sugar.

One thing I know about myself is that I just can't have trigger foods in the house. If it's here, I will eat it. That's just a cold, hard fact. I have very little self control when it comes to food. I've had to own this truth about myself.

I do have a slow metabolism (hypothyroidism) which puts a kink in things. But, I don't want to allow this to be an excuse. I know I can still lose weight. I just have to put a little extra effort into it.

At this point I'm desperate for change. I'm taking the first step by being transparent and sharing my failures with you. The next step is to start holding myself accountable for my choices, counting my calories and moving my butt.

One other thing I must do is put my faith in God to help me through this. I know that all things are possible with God. When I try to rely on my own abilities it never works. I have to put my eyes on Him and allow Him to take control.

So, I'm starting again and I invite you to come along on the journey. I can almost assure you that it will not be a smooth journey, but it will be interesting.

Till next time...God bless!

Ten Pounds Down

If you've been keeping up with my blog then you know that I had gained weight and was literally starting over. What I didn't share before is that I reached an all time high weight, breaking my record for highest weight ever.

Since my last post it has taken me a while to get my head in the game and get things moving in the right direction, but I've finally made some progress. I've lost ten pounds and I'm feeling encouraged about the future.

I sincerely want to be an encouragement to others on this same journey. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I have hypothyroidism which makes it even harder, but I'm determined to never quit, no matter how many times I fall down.

I follow a 1200 calorie per day diet. I eat only when I'm hungry and try not to eat between meals. So far, I'm sorry to say, I've been lazy when it comes to exercise, but I plan to get back to my regular schedule of walking.

The holidays present challenges, but so far I'm handling them well by focusing on my family and conversations instead of food. Not to say that I don't treat myself; just in very small portions and I count every bite.

I know my plan isn't for everyone. Believe me, it took some time to get used to counting everything I put in my mouth. But find what works for you and stick to it. Pat yourself on the back when you do well and give yourself a break when you screw up (it's going to happen). Just don't quit!

Protein for Weight Loss

Here are 5 reasons that protein can help you with weight loss.

1. Protein Satisfies & Saves Calories: Protein is important at the start of weight loss because it helps you to feel fuller longer. Protein slows down digestion helping you to be more satisfied and less likely to go back for more.
2. It Curbs Carb Highs and Lows: Coming off a sugar high onto a sugar low can make food decisions regretful. Combining protein with carbohydrate-rich foods slows down the absorption of sugar from your stomach into your bloodstream, which may help keep your blood sugar from going up and stave off future cravings.
3. Protein Requires More Energy: The "thermic effect of food" (TEF) is the energy we use to digest food into small, absorbable components. The TEF in protein is higher as compared to carbs and fat so you're actually burning more calories to process protein.
4. It Fuels Fat Burning: It is a scientific fact that your body cannot effectively burn and use fat as energy if it doesn't have help from either carbohydrate or protein. While you are losing weight, your body loses both muscle and fat. It is important that you continue to eat enough protein in your diet during the process. Eating adequate protein fuels fat burning while preserving calorie-burning lean muscle.
5. Protein Promotes Muscle Repair & Growth: Protein needs increase after bouts of intense exercise so increasing your protein intake on days that you exercise is beneficial.  If you strength train consider a high protein snack right after a training session when muscle is sensitive to nutrients that it can use to repair and grow.

Eating more protein alone won't necessarily help you shed excess weight in a healthy way. When consumed in excessive amounts it can still lead to weight gain. Protein should be set to 20% of your total calories, which should be enough for the average person. 

Starting Over Again

I'm starting over, simple as that. For anyone who has been on a similar journey, there's no need for explanations.

I hate admitting failure of any kind, but I have allowed myself to get off track in the past few months and I have caused quite a bit of damage to my progress. I have gained a lot of my weight back and I am basically at the point of starting over.

I've started using My Fitness Pal again to track what I eat. Eating 1200 calories a day and walking a mile a day. I've managed to lose two pounds in less than a week.

My problem is making it stick in my head again. Once I get it made up in my mind that I want to be healthy and smart about my decisions, then I can do it. Until then, I'm entirely ruled by my emotions and cravings; eating when I'm not hungry and not controlling my portions.

If you've been following me so far on my journey I'm sorry for the temporary departure. I hope that sharing, not only my success but also my failure, has made me more human. I will do my best to make regular and more timely updates on my progress in the future.

Until next time, God bless!

Just a Quick Update

Since beginning this journey in October of last year, I have lost a total of 35 pounds.  I admit, I get frustrated with how slow the progress seems at times. But when I break it down, it comes out to 3.888888... pounds a month; that's pretty good for someone with an extremely sluggish thyroid.
 
I'm still walking.  I found a peppier version of the one mile "Walk Away the Pounds" on YouTube.  It is much faster paced and incorporates a lot more side steps, kicks, kick backs, knee lifts and arm movements.  I do believe it is a better workout than the original DVD I was using which would allow you to walk one, two or three miles.  The first mile was kinda slow, working you up to the two and three mile walk.  The version I'm doing now seems to give me a better, more aggressive workout and I intend to use it until I am comfortable with moving on to a longer walk.  I have also started incorporating some upper body toning; trying to get rid of my bat wings! Overall, I feel like I'm making steady progress.

Up until this past week I have been doing Weight Watchers Online.  I decided this week to switch to Fitness Pal, just because I don't want to pay the monthly fee for Weight Watchers.  I feel both of these tools work well.

Tracking is the most crucial step for my success.  I do not feel in control if I'm not tracking what I eat.

Current Snacking Favorites:

• Sargentos Sharp Cheddar Jack Cheese Stick - 80 Calories
• Yoplait Greek Whips Key Lime Pie Yogurt - 100 Calories
• Sabra Supremely Spicy Hummus - 70 Calories per 2 Tablespoons
• Frozen Red Grapes

Walking, Weigh-Ins, etc...

Walking

I have finally started walking.  Not only have I started, I'm being consistent.  I have had the "Walk Away The Pounds Express - Advanced Walk - 3 Miles" DVD for a very long time.  Last week I finally put it in the player and walked.  It's set up as a kind of power walk and you can walk one, two or three miles.  It incorporates kick backs, knee lifts, side steps and some arm movements for upper body.

At present, I am walking one mile.  Last week I walked three days.  This week my goal is to walk at least four days.  This week I also added some upper body toning, in hopes of getting rid of my flabby arms.

Up until now, I have been exercising, but not as aggressively.  I was doing leg lifts, crunches and wall push ups.  I was being consistent, but I knew I needed something better that would get my heart pumping.  So, I'm proud of myself for finally getting started.


Weigh-in

My last weigh-in was a bit frustrating and uncertain.

Our scales are digital and we have had them for longer than I can remember.  For several weeks now they have been out of whack; not wanting to come on and very slow to read.  Even after replacing the batteries, they didn't seem to be working properly.  So, after some research, we bought a new set.

The problem is, the new scales weighed me heavier than my old scales (1.7 pounds).  Now, I'm certain they are more accurate and that's great, but what I'm not certain of is whether I actually gained weight or not. Regardless, I recorded my new heavier weight into my weight journal.

I won't lie to you, I wasn't happy to have to record a gain.  In fact, at first I was really upset; just ask my husband.  He suffers from my poor moods, but he's also one of my biggest supporters and is always quick to encourage and remind me of how far I've come.

I finally decided that it just doesn't matter.  This is my journey.  There will be ups and downs.  What matters is that when I have those downs, I don't stay down.

I wallowed for about three or four hours; I'm human.  But then I told myself to shake it off and suck it up.  I'm not the same girl I was a year ago, or even six months ago.  That girl could have easily thrown in the towel and binged on a bag of Oreos.

This new me is determined to keep moving forward.  No matter how many times I fall down, I will get back up.  As I've said before, this is no quick fix.  This is a life long journey and I've got miles to go, but I'm getting closer everyday.


Till next time, God bless!
#mandigirllosingit #amandaglass

It's Not a Race

It seems like any time I have embarked on a weight loss journey I feel like I'm starting a race.  It's like I'm standing at the starting line and someone yells, "On your mark, set, go!"  I imagine a gun shot and then I'm propelling myself forward, racing toward the finish line as fast as I can.

I have this sense of urgency that keeps me worried about how quickly I'm progressing and what people are thinking about said progress.  After a while, I start to feel overwhelmed.

If you read my blog, then you know that I hit a plateau not long ago.   It was very frustrating and I couldn't stop thinking about how far I "should have" come in that length of time, which felt like an eternity to me.

Thankfully, I broke past the plateau and am moving forward once again.  But, it was toward the end of this plateau that I learned a valuable lesson and it has changed the way I'm viewing this journey; it is a journey, not a race.

The lesson came when I had to see my doctor.  I was worried, expecting him to be disappointed in my lack of progress with my weight loss.  I've been seeing the doctor quite regularly since the beginning of the year and it had been a month since my last visit.

I went through the drill, you know what I'm talking about, weigh-in, temp and blood pressure check. Then it's off to a room to wait...and worry.  Isn't that the worst part of the doctor's visit, the waiting? I was contemplating how I was going to explain myself.

The doctor came in and was going over all my numbers and his notes from my last visit.  He was very pleased with my blood pressure, which was perfect for the first time in forever, praise you Jesus! I was waiting for him to say something about my weight, but guess what, he didn't!

Well, I couldn't let it go, I had to ask.  I was so frustrated about it and I thought maybe he could give me some advice.  What he said made me so happy, I wanted to hug him.  It also changed my perspective.

He looked at my chart and noted that I had lost four pounds since my previous visit and he thought that was great. He told me that was a lot of weight for someone to lose in a month and that I shouldn't be so worried about the number on the scale. He told me that the scale wasn't the most important number to worry about. My blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.. those numbers were what I needed to be concerned with, and they are improving.  He told me that the slower the weight loss, the better and more sustainable it would be.  I knew that, but we women can be so impatient.  He told me to stop worrying so much and just keep doing what I'm doing and that progress would come.

Like I said, I wanted to hug him.  I left his office with a completely different outlook on my progress and my future.  I felt calm for the first time in a long time.

At my last weigh-in I was half a pound away from hitting a total of 30 pounds lost.  I'm so happy with the progress I've made and I'm so proud that I didn't give up when the going went sideways! There were a few times I wasn't sure I could go on, but I did and I'm not giving up any time soon.

There are no quick fixes, not for me.  I've tried the quick fix, it doesn't last.  It has to become a lifestyle.  I don't have to be perfect.  I'm going to mess up and I'm going to have bad days, but that's alright.  I'm learning as I go and I'm slowing down to enjoy the ride.

Till next time, God bless!  :)

Week Two Weigh-In Success

My second weigh-in since beginning my Weight Watchers Online journey went just as well as my first.  I lost another three pounds and I cannot express the joy I feel with each little success.

Here's one of the things I find amazing; I haven't been able to exercise since I started.  I have been sick for going on three weeks now.  I have had head/chest congestion, headache, no sleep and a terrible cough and I have been completely exhausted.  I look forward to seeing what kind of progress I can achieve once I can get to moving.

This week I plan to make the Weight Watchers 0 point Cabbage Soup.  Once I have made it and taste tested it, I will post the recipe on my cooking blog: www.whatscookingwithmandigirl.blogspot.com along with a review.  I have tried this soup before, but it has been a long time and I will be using a new recipe.

I look forward to seeing how this week's weigh-in goes.  Hopefully, it will show continued success.  I will also try to start posting some of my favorite snack and recipes as I go along.

I welcome your feedback.  If you have any tips, recipes or snack ideas, please share them in the comments.

Until next time, God bless!!

Going Low-Carb

I have been concentrating on a low calorie diet for almost three months now.  I have lost 14 pounds and gained two.  I'm very proud of the success I have achieved so far.  With that being said, I have decided to try something different.  I'm going to try a low-carb diet for a while and see how things go.  

I was doing some research about low-carb diets today.  This is just a little bit of what I found at www.authoritynutrition.com:

• Studies show that low-carb diets reduce your appetite and make you eat less calories and lose weight pretty much effortlessly, as long as you manage to keep the carbs down.
• In studies where low-carb and low-fat diets are compared, the researchers need to actively restrict calories in the low-fat groups to make the results comparable, but the low-carb groups still usually win.
• Low-carb diets have health benefits that go beyond just weight loss. They lower blood sugar, blood pressure and triglycerides. They raise HDL (the good) and improve the pattern of LDL (the bad) cholesterol.
• Low-carb diets cause more weight loss and improve health much more than the calorie restricted, low-fat diet still recommended by the mainstream. This is pretty much a scientific fact at this point.

Bottom Line: There are many studies showing that low-carb diets are more effective and healthier than the low-fat diet that is still recommended all around the world.

Hunger has been a difficult issue for me since starting this journey.  It is my hope that the low-carb diet might be more filling and satisfying.  I'm also hoping I will have more energy.  I have fasted bread, pastas, and sugar in the past and I always seem to feel more energetic. 

I know it won't be easy, I love my sweets.  But, I am hopeful that this is a step in the right direction.  

I will also be looking for some tasty low-carb recipes.  When I find something good, I'll be sure to share it either here or on my cooking blog.  If you have any low-carb diet tips or recipes you would like to share, please leave a comment.  I can't wait to let you all know how it goes.  

Till next time, God bless!! :)

Difficult Week But Still Moving Forward

This past week was a very difficult one.  I have had the worst kind of cravings.  For the most part I was able to exercise self control.  I did, however, have a temporary set-back on Friday.  I broke down and had onion rings from Sonic.  Now I'm not talking about just a few onion rings.  I went all out and ordered a large.  Do you know how many calories are in a large order of onion rings?  There are over 600 calories in a large order of onion rings and I ate every last one of them!

The worst part of this lapse in judgement was the feeling afterward.  I felt awful and extremely disappointed in myself.  

Not all was lost though, because although I struggled; my weigh-in was not disappointing.  The scales showed I was down another 1/2 pound this week; bringing me to a total of 12 1/2 pounds lost. I certainly can't and won't complain about that.

In a way it's getting easier to make the right choices.  Today we had lunch at Cracker Barrel and I automatically went to the healthy portion of the menu.  I think that the fact that I had a recent set-back was helpful in my decision making process.

While I was looking at the menu I didn't just see the healthy menu.  I, of course, saw all the tempting offerings that were definitely the wrong choices.  But, I also remembered how I felt after making a poor choice on Friday.  I'm proud to say I made the right choice today.





Note:  I saw this picture online the other day and I thought it might be a neat visual reminder to help stay motivated.  I'm going to use some colorful marbles in mine.  

Fluid Retention and Weight Loss

I have been retaining fluid this week.  And, as I shared in my last post, my weigh-in this week was very disappointing with a five pound gain.  So, I did a little research and I found the following tips:

Diet Changes That Can Help Relieve Water Retention

• Reduce your sodium intake.
• Eat more fruits and vegetables. 
• Drink up to eight glasses of water a day.
• Add 15 minutes of aerobic exercise daily, especially on the days you are retaining fluid. (Exercise reduces stress and promotes blood circulation, which creates a positive effect on your metabolism and this in turn assists the body in regulating itself.)

This morning I got up and did a 30 minute workout of walking/jogging in place, leg lifts, stretches and a little bit of dancing.  I hate watching a video to workout.  I prefer to either turn on some peppy music or just watch television and get moving.  

After my workout, I went to take my shower.  The whole time I was in the bathroom the scales were calling out to me.  So, against my better judgement, I decided to weigh again today.  (I usually don't allow myself to weigh more than once a week.)  But, it proved to be a positive experience; I had lost one and half pounds.

It was a relief to see a little bit of that gain was gone and it really gave me a boost of motivation for the week to come.

Till next time....God bless!

Weigh-In Friday

My morning did not start off "happy, happy, happy."  My weigh-in results almost had me bolting for the candy aisle to comfort myself.

I gained five pounds this week!  I know part of the reason is that I am retaining fluid; but I don't know why. I feel puffy and my hands and feet are swollen.

One of my medications was changed to a different brand, but it's basically the same thing I have been taking. I am getting more than my required water intake, it's basically all I drink.  I have been snacking on baby carrots and cucumber slices.  It's just so frustrating.

The good news:  I'm happy to report that I did not lose control or have a pity party while stuffing my face full of unhealthy junk foods.  I did allow myself a moment of pouting and then shook it off.

I am more determined than ever to stay on track and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm getting my health back one day at a time.

More Tips and Facts to Aid Weight Loss

Did You Know?

Getting Enough Sleep can aid in weight loss.  Aim for seven to eight hours per night.  Going to bed and waking up at the same time everyday will help train your body clock - which will make it easier to go to sleep at night.  I personally do not get enough sleep.  I have suffered with insomnia since I was 15 years old.  I just wonder what would change if I did get sufficient sleep.

Stress can make you fat.  Secreting too much of the stress hormone cortisol can increase appetite (the body is trying to attain energy to manage the crisis).  Cortisol causes the extra weight to settle around your stomach, and fat around the belly is linked with heart attacks and strokes.  Exercise is the best cure for stress. Exercise releases endorphins, improves your mood, helps you sleep better and can clear the mind of worries.

Tomato Juice in place of your sports drink can help
post work-out inflammation.

Protein rich meals prevent the secretion of the hunger hormone ghrelin and stimulate the release of the satiety hormone peptide YY.










Social Networking temporarily causes you to feel more connected to friends and family and gives your self-esteem a boost.  Unfortunately, there is a down side.  It decreases self-control.  One study showed that people who browsed for five minutes were more likely to choose an unhealthy snack after, than those who spent the same amount of time scanning a news site.  Don't worry, there's no need to stop surfing altogether - just stay away when your hungry, since that is when our will power is at it's lowest.

Eating With Chopsticks makes a meal an event, slows you down and helps prevent overeating.








Getting Off Your Bottom for about one additional hour a day can decrease stress, heighten your mood, energy, focus and productivity.

Weigh-In Update

This past Friday's weigh-in went well with a two pound loss. That brings my total weight loss to eight pounds since returning from vacation. Although I would love to step on the scale and see a five or six pound loss; I am just so grateful for any progress.

Over the past weekend I faced a little bit of a challenge.  We had a birthday party for a dear friend and there was not only birthday cake, but there was also pecan pie there.  Those are two of my favorite sweet treats.  But, I am thrilled to report that I only had the smallest piece of birthday cake.  Not only was it small, it wasn't a corner piece with a lot of icing, which is my favorite part of a birthday cake.  I was so proud of myself for resisting the temptation to throw my will power out the window for the evening.

I feel like I am starting to make healthier choices without having to really think about it or feeling deprived of something.

This was just a short sweet entry to update my weight loss.  Keep watching; I have some exciting things I've been researching.  And, I will be sharing soon!  God bless!

Keeping Track Keeps Me On Track

I always do my best when I keep track of what I eat.  In the past I have used a notebook to keep up with my daily calorie intake but not anymore.  I have found a free, easy to use, website/phone app that makes this task a lot easier.

At MyFitnessPal.com you can sign up for a free account.  It allows you to enter your stats, such as weight, height, measurements, etc.  This information is used to calculate how many calories you can consume each day and still lose weight. You can also plug in your exercise and find out how many calories you burn.

One of the features I absolutely love is the iPhone app, which is also free.  It has a scan option that allows you to scan the bar code on a food label and add it to your diary right from your phone. This makes it so easy to keep up on the go.

MyFitnessPal isn't just a place to track your calories and exercise though.  You can also blog, keep track of weight lose, make friends, interact with other members through the community and so much more.  You have to check it out for yourself.

Check it out at:  www.myfitnesspal.com

Why Can't I Get This Right?

Frustration - my companion and my constant frame of mind.  I am so frustrated by my lack of will power and motivation to stick to a healthy living plan.  Once again, I have edged up the scale and am in serious need of starting over.  

So, here I go again.  One day at a time.  That's all I can allow myself to think about.  I get overwhelmed if I think further ahead.  

I'm using an app on my iPhone to log food, activity and weight loss.  It has one of those handy little bar code scanners, which makes it somewhat easier to track what I eat.  

Now, I just need a kick in the butt to start exercising.  I hate exercise.  I hate to sweat!  Yes, I said it, I admit it - I absolutely hate exercise and sweating!   I know I'm not alone.  Feel free to comment on this post and share your thoughts on "torture."  

Today is day one.  My journey starts again.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Update

Well people, I'm not doing so good on the diet front.  I rejoined Weight Watchers, but I have managed to gain weight, not lose.  I am very discouraged and down on myself at the moment.  I just can't seem to get my momentum going in the right direction.

No fear, though, I am not giving up by any means.  This week I am doing much better and I am determined to stick to my goal.  I knew starting out that this was going to be a hard road to travel and I told you all that I would be honest about my struggles.

To be honest, I haven't posted in a while because I am so disappointed in myself and I didn't want everyone to know that I haven't made any progress.  But, I feel like if I don't let you know and I don't admit the truth, then I will continue to hide my head in the sand.  So, hopefully this update will give me the kick in the butt I need to get my momentum heading in the right direction.

So, good or bad, I will be giving an update on Tuesday, which is the day I have to weigh in.  I know I'm not alone in this struggle and I hope that I can encourage others battling this same issue.

Till Tuesday....

Weigh-In

Well, today was "weigh day."  I hate stepping on the scales.  In fact, on my last visit to the doctor I wanted to ask the nurse to let me stand on the scales backwards and to not tell me what it said!  My fear is that one day my doctor's office will have scales that actually say your weight out loud.  Why in the name of all that is holy would someone invent that?

Today was not so bad.  I have lost 3.5 pounds this week.  Yea! Yippee! Praise the Lord!  I feel successful for the first time in a long time.  I know I still have a ways to go, but it feels good to know that I have made the first step.

This week has not been without it's challenges.  Yesterday I wanted to throw in the towel.  I was tempted by fun size Twix bars.  Chocolate is a weakness for me.  I ate one and then the rest of the evening they were calling out to me..."just one more, nobody has to know."  But, I told you all that I was going to be brutally honest, so the other voice inside my head (there are many LOL) that kept saying..."you will regret it, don't give in, you know once you start you won't stop (this voice knows me so well)," won in the end.

I find that with every little slip I become a little weaker.  On the other hand, with every little success I become stronger.  So, I will continue to build on these little successes until I am standing on top of this mountain in front of me.

The next challenge, that I know I must face, is exercise.  I know I need to do it, but I absolutely despise it.  It doesn't help that it is so blazing hot outside.  I have to find something that I can do physically, I have a very old back (degenerative joint and disc disease, bulging discs, bone spurs, blah, blah, blah...you get the point).  I also want to find something that I will stick to.  That will be the hardest part, because like I said this has to be a life change.  It can't be temporary.