Confession Time

Yet again I have allowed myself to lose control. I find myself back at the beginning and at an all time high with my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. I didn't weigh this much when I was nine months pregnant with my ten pound baby boy.

I feel like a nine month pregnant person. I'm miserable, I have trouble moving, my clothes are uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I wobble when I walk.

The cold hard truth is, I'm the only one that can do anything about it. The problem is, I feel so defeated that I don't even know where to start. I feel so overwhelmed with where I have allowed myself to get and this hurdle just feels impossible to get over.

So, beginning again, one day at a time. If I can make it one day, then I can make it two days and so on. Right now though, I have to focus on that ONE DAY. If I think past that I just can't deal. I start to feel the pressure of making the right choices all the time and start to feel out of control.

I truly feel like the right thing for me to do right now is to count calories and try to be more active. Counting calories will allow me a little more freedom with food choices. If I want a piece of chocolate, I can have it. But, I also know that making healthier choices will allow me to improve my health and eat a little more. The goal is health, plain and simple.

In the past several months I have been following the Keto diet plan and I did lose some weight. But, I fell off the wagon and gained it all back. I found all the food restrictions to be difficult to handle and I would end up binge eating carbs and sugar.

One thing I know about myself is that I just can't have trigger foods in the house. If it's here, I will eat it. That's just a cold, hard fact. I have very little self control when it comes to food. I've had to own this truth about myself.

I do have a slow metabolism (hypothyroidism) which puts a kink in things. But, I don't want to allow this to be an excuse. I know I can still lose weight. I just have to put a little extra effort into it.

At this point I'm desperate for change. I'm taking the first step by being transparent and sharing my failures with you. The next step is to start holding myself accountable for my choices, counting my calories and moving my butt.

One other thing I must do is put my faith in God to help me through this. I know that all things are possible with God. When I try to rely on my own abilities it never works. I have to put my eyes on Him and allow Him to take control.

So, I'm starting again and I invite you to come along on the journey. I can almost assure you that it will not be a smooth journey, but it will be interesting.

Till next time...God bless!

Four Weeks & Counting

I have been doing Weight Watchers Online for four weeks now.  I have lost a total of 12 pounds. Added together with the weight I lost before joining Weight Watchers, I have lost a total of 23 pounds.  I'm elated beyond words.

I'm continuing to find new low-point treats to try.  These are a few of my current favorites:

I found these at Target.  They are 2 points per a 9 crisp serving.

These are 3 points per serving.  You get two nice size crisps in a serving.  They remind me of a pop tart.

I'm so excited that I'm finally making some real progress on this journey.  I'm feeling so much better physically, but the change in my attitude is making the biggest difference.  My resolve is set.  I feel stronger than ever about making the right choices.  For the first time in a long time I feel confident that I can do this!

Difficult Week But Still Moving Forward

This past week was a very difficult one.  I have had the worst kind of cravings.  For the most part I was able to exercise self control.  I did, however, have a temporary set-back on Friday.  I broke down and had onion rings from Sonic.  Now I'm not talking about just a few onion rings.  I went all out and ordered a large.  Do you know how many calories are in a large order of onion rings?  There are over 600 calories in a large order of onion rings and I ate every last one of them!

The worst part of this lapse in judgement was the feeling afterward.  I felt awful and extremely disappointed in myself.  

Not all was lost though, because although I struggled; my weigh-in was not disappointing.  The scales showed I was down another 1/2 pound this week; bringing me to a total of 12 1/2 pounds lost. I certainly can't and won't complain about that.

In a way it's getting easier to make the right choices.  Today we had lunch at Cracker Barrel and I automatically went to the healthy portion of the menu.  I think that the fact that I had a recent set-back was helpful in my decision making process.

While I was looking at the menu I didn't just see the healthy menu.  I, of course, saw all the tempting offerings that were definitely the wrong choices.  But, I also remembered how I felt after making a poor choice on Friday.  I'm proud to say I made the right choice today.





Note:  I saw this picture online the other day and I thought it might be a neat visual reminder to help stay motivated.  I'm going to use some colorful marbles in mine.  

Frustration

Monday, October 13, 2014 - 9:00 a.m.

I know I really shouldn't be complaining.  I have lost 7 1/2 pounds since starting over.  But this past week the scale hasn't moved and it is incredibly frustrating.

I have tracked all my food, I have stayed within my calorie range, I have exercised and nothing, not even 1/2 a pound.  It's days like this that I get so discouraged and wonder if it's even worth the fight.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up.  I just need to vent and I promised I would be honest.  I wouldn't be being honest with you or myself if I didn't admit how hard this is sometimes.

Monday, October 13, 2014 - 10:48 p.m.

After the frustration of this morning's weigh-in I was determined not to let my disappointment affect my choices today.  In the past it has been my downfall.  Having a bad weigh-in would almost always lead to a binge.

Not today, today I made solid choices.  I had soup for lunch and a smart, healthy afternoon snack.  I saved the bulk of my calories for this evening.  I had Bunco at a friend's house and I was pretty certain there would be something tempting to eat; and I was right.  My dear friend made Apple Dumplings for dessert and I was able to indulge.

I'm so proud of myself for not losing control.  I can go to sleep tonight with no regrets on my mind.

Weigh-In Update

This past Friday's weigh-in went well with a two pound loss. That brings my total weight loss to eight pounds since returning from vacation. Although I would love to step on the scale and see a five or six pound loss; I am just so grateful for any progress.

Over the past weekend I faced a little bit of a challenge.  We had a birthday party for a dear friend and there was not only birthday cake, but there was also pecan pie there.  Those are two of my favorite sweet treats.  But, I am thrilled to report that I only had the smallest piece of birthday cake.  Not only was it small, it wasn't a corner piece with a lot of icing, which is my favorite part of a birthday cake.  I was so proud of myself for resisting the temptation to throw my will power out the window for the evening.

I feel like I am starting to make healthier choices without having to really think about it or feeling deprived of something.

This was just a short sweet entry to update my weight loss.  Keep watching; I have some exciting things I've been researching.  And, I will be sharing soon!  God bless!