Craving

So, I've started reading the book, "Made to Crave," by Lysa Terkeurst. Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food  So far, it's making a lot of sense to me.  The gist I'm getting so far is that I need to transfer my cravings for unhealthy food to a craving for God.

There is a helpful review at the end of the chapters that helps you answer questions about yourself.  I'm finding it very insightful.  I will let you know as I progress through the book how it goes.

I've prayed, actually pleaded, in the past that God would take away my desires to eat unhealthy food, eat when I'm not hungry, eat just because everyone else is eating, eat when I'm happy, eat when I'm sad, eat because I'm nervous, eat when I'm angry, eat just because it's there, and on and on and on.  I think you get the idea, this list could go on for days.  What I haven't tried is praying in the midst of the temptation.  It's usually after a full blown binge or late at night after a day of feeling really bad about myself for having no self-control or just after trying on 10 different items from my closet that are too tight.

So, I'm going to try it.  I'm going to start praying in the midst of the storm.  When I feel the cravings for that candy bar that's screaming at me while I'm in the check-out line at the store, I"m going to pray.  Before meal prayers are now going to include, "help me to know when I'm full and I need to stop eating."  I'm even going to pray when I grocery shop that God will help me to resist buying unhealthy food.

I'll let you know how it goes.  As always, pray for me, I'm going to need it.

Here I Go Again!

Well, needless to say, it's been a while since my last blog.  Truth be told, I've been too ashamed and embarrassed to post anything because I have felt like a complete failure.

In the past months I have allowed myself to get back to within three pounds of my all time high.  It's humiliating and frustrating and so hard to face.  Here I am though, facing it again.  I am laying it all out again and starting over - again!

I'm committing to myself that I will strive everyday to live a healthier lifestyle.  This includes; eating, exercising, and mental/spiritual well being.

As in the past, it's not going to be easy and I'm sure I am going to have set-backs and there are going to be a lot of bad days, but I am never going to give up.  I have to do this, not just because I need to, but because I want to.  To be healthy for myself and for my family.  I want to make the changes that will not only impact myself, but my family, especially my son.  I see him heading down the same path and I don't want him to suffer the way I have.  I want him to get control of it early.

So, wish me luck and pray for me.  I'm gonna need it!

Weigh-In Day

Well, it's Tuesday, weigh-in time.  I have really been dreading the scales.  I haven't done just awful this week, but I didn't do as well as I would have liked.  I really have this "can't do" attitude going on at the moment and I know I have got to overcome it.  I need and want to get back to that place where I feel I am in control.

I gained half a pound this week.  I'm not surprised.  I'm just glad it wasn't more.  I know what I have been doing wrong and I know that I need to get more active.  So, this week, my goal is to stay on target and to incorporate more activity and movement into each day.

I really thought at this point in the journey I would be further along, but I have been my own road block.  I have sabotaged myself at every turn.  I am my own worst enemy.  I could make all kinds of excuses for why I have stalled and screwed up along the way, but the truth is, I just haven't committed.

So, here's to another start.  This week I am challenging myself.  I am going to prove to myself that I can win.  I can control my behavior and I have the power to change.

Update

Well people, I'm not doing so good on the diet front.  I rejoined Weight Watchers, but I have managed to gain weight, not lose.  I am very discouraged and down on myself at the moment.  I just can't seem to get my momentum going in the right direction.

No fear, though, I am not giving up by any means.  This week I am doing much better and I am determined to stick to my goal.  I knew starting out that this was going to be a hard road to travel and I told you all that I would be honest about my struggles.

To be honest, I haven't posted in a while because I am so disappointed in myself and I didn't want everyone to know that I haven't made any progress.  But, I feel like if I don't let you know and I don't admit the truth, then I will continue to hide my head in the sand.  So, hopefully this update will give me the kick in the butt I need to get my momentum heading in the right direction.

So, good or bad, I will be giving an update on Tuesday, which is the day I have to weigh in.  I know I'm not alone in this struggle and I hope that I can encourage others battling this same issue.

Till Tuesday....

Exercise....ugh!!!

I did it!  I started exercising today.  I actually walked to my son's school today to pick him up instead of driving. It was about a 40 minute walk round trip.  It was hot!  Of course, it didn't help that I was wearing denim shorts.  I don't currently own a lot, well actually any, exercise appropriate clothing.  I'm going to have to change that.

Although, it was a great opportunity to exercise and spend time with my kid, I probably won't do it again.  He didn't just come right out and say it, but I think he felt it wasn't so cool to be walking home with his mom.  At least I got started and I feel better about myself just knowing I made a positive step.

One little problem, I have a blister on the bottom of both feet.  I don't really know why; I wore my walking shoes and I have never gotten blisters on the bottom of my feet before.  I'm gonna have to invest in some blister block band-aids.  My husband's aunt told me they saved her feet at Disney this summer.

Overall, I am very proud of myself.  I have made a step in the right direction and I feel momentum bubbling up.  I know I can do this.

Lost Another Pound

Lost another pound this week.  I'll take it.  It's better than gaining any day!

It's going slow and that is nobody's fault but my own.  I haven't started exercising yet and I haven't been doing as well as I could with my eating.  I could blame a lot of things, but the biggest problem is me!  I just haven't got the will power under control.

I am determined to start exercising Monday, no excuses!  Even if it is only a 20 minute walk, it's better than nothing at all.  I don't have any energy right now, but I know that once I start getting some exercise that will change.  I always feel better when I exercise.

So, Monday it is.  I'll let ya'll know how it goes!

Till then! :)

Doing Better

Well, I had my weigh-in on Friday and I lost half a pound.  I know it's not much, but it's definitely better than gaining.  I have done much better with my eating since then and I have great expectations for this week's results.

I still have not started exercising.  I know that I need to exercise and I also know that I will get better results if I do.  I just do not have any energy and it has been so hot.  The positive things I remember from exercising in the past are that I always had more energy and it gave me a real boost in the self esteem department.  It feels good to know I am doing something positive for my health.

The problem is figuring out what I can do and what I will stick with.  I mentioned in an earlier blog entry that I have a bad back and I have to be careful what I do or I will end up flat on my back.  I want to do something fun that doesn't really feel like exercise.

So, if any of you readers have any suggestions, please leave a comment.  I would greatly appreciate the input.