Monday, February 19, 2018

Rock Bottom

Yesterday I joined the Weight Watchers Freestyle program. I feel encouraged that this is a step in the right direction. I have been struggling for a while now and to be honest I've hit rock bottom. My weight has been steadily climbing and I am miserable. 

I haven't shared an update in a while because I didn't want to admit how bad things have gotten. I kept thinking that I would pull out of this slump and get control, but the fact of the matter is I haven't been able to get ahead of it. The higher my weight creeps, the more I want to eat. This past weekend I had to purchase some new clothes because all of mine are tight and uncomfortable. I can't stand looking in the mirror and I just want to hibernate so no one will see me.

I'm an emotional eater and lately I have been out of control. I haven't been sleeping and I spend my nights grazing because I'm frustrated and bored. I've allowed myself to get to a place I never thought I would see.

So, once again, I am starting over. It seems harder this time than ever before. Maybe it's because I feel like I have such a long way to go to get where I need to be. I made it through my first day successfully. The one thing I have to concentrate on is taking one day at a time. When I think to far ahead I get frustrated and overwhelmed. 

Priority number one has got to be placing this whole thing in God's hands. I cannot do this on my own. My biggest mistake is trying to maintain control instead of allowing God to have it. I know that I am capable of success if I will depend on Him. 

So, if you're a praying person, say a prayer for me. I need all the help I can get. If you have any experience with the Weight Watchers Freestyle program feel free to share any advice or tips you may have. I'll be checking back in soon. Till next time, God bless! :)

Thursday, January 11, 2018

The Holidays Are Over

I'm sure I 'm not the only one who can say that the holidays were hard on my will power. My determination and healthy eating plan went out the window most days. Of course I gained weight and now I'm working on repairing the damage.

I had really good intentions of staying on track during the holidays, but I just found the temptations too overwhelming. "I'll start over tomorrow," became my go-to mantra.

Now that the holidays are over, I'm trying to get back into my groove. It's not easy. I'm just going to be real with you, I don't want to do it most days. I want a magic pill that will just make all this fat go away. But, since that's not going to happen, I have to muster up some will power and push through one day at a time.

It has been a slow start. Most days start good, but more times than I like to admit, they end badly. I just am finding it hard to get motivated. I feel like there's no point in trying sometimes. That hasn't stopped me from starting fresh each morning though, so I must still feel like there's some light at the end of the tunnel.

I am starting "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst again. It really is a good book/tool to help with Godly encouragement. There is a book and devotional. I recommend them both.

I share this with you not to discourage, but to just be transparent and real with you. I know there are others who are going through the same thing and I want you to know that you are not alone. I'm certainly not giving up and you shouldn't either. This is a marathon, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Giving God Control

After a week of staying on track, I've lost four pounds. I'm feeling pretty good about it and having a successful week is making it easier to keep going and stay focused.

I feel like a big part of the challenge for me is mental. When I can get my head in the right place it seems like I do better at keeping my eating under control. I won't lie to you, yesterday was hard. I just had an off day where my mood was down and I wanted to eat my emotions.

The good news is, I was able to keep it together. I read my devotional (Made to Crave) and I was able to resist the urge to eat everything in the house. I'm proud of myself and knowing that I was successful is encouraging me to keep going in the right direction.

I cannot stress enough that keeping my mind on God is key. Relying on Him to give me the strength I needed to keep me on track was the only way I was able to get through yesterday. And I know that if I allow Him to He will get me through each day moving forward.

If I allow myself to think too far ahead I just get overwhelmed by how far I have to go. It is important that I only think about the present moment and take one day at a time.

I can find strength in this scripture:
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear...He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
There really is always a way out of temptation. If we are willing to allow God to have control in these situations He will always provide an escape. You just have to trust in Him.

I encourage you to give God a chance to be in control of your journey. Take one day at a time. Get into His word and find scriptures that encourage you. Write them down and keep them in a place where you will see them often. I recommend the refrigerator door or your bathroom mirror. Don't give up, we can do this!

Till next time, God bless! :)

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Getting Back Up

Yesterday I got back up...again. I guess the best thing I can say about myself is that I never stop getting back up. That's the important thing, not how many times I fall down, but the fact that I keep getting up.

I ate just at 1200 calories yesterday, I consider that a perfect day. The problem then was I had to stop eating. Night time is especially hard. I don't sleep much, so late nights are a regular thing for me. It's then while I'm sitting up watching TV, waiting for the sandman to visit, that I get overwhelmed by snacking urges.

Last night was no different from any other night. I heard the call of the snacks. The difference last night was that I felt like I had some of my determination back. I have to give some credit to a book I'm reading along with a devotional by the same name, "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. It's all about craving God instead of food. I highly recommend it.

If I can get my mind off of food and onto God I feel more in control and growing closer to God is an excellent bonus. I can use my cravings as a prompt to pray or to read my Bible. So the credit really goes to God.

The goal now is to keep my mind on God and off of food. I just have to remember to give my control over to Him. He's a better driver than me.

My cousin told me about this song yesterday called "Broken Ladders" by Selah. After I listened to it I had tears in my eyes. It reminded me that I don't have to have control of everything in my life. It can be scary giving up control, but it's very freeing to let go, especially when you're giving the wheel to God.

I encourage you to put your mind on God. Let him help you with your cravings. God can fill you like no food can and there's no regret or guilt.

I'm going to leave you with a few verses that I hope will help to encourage you.


  • Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
  • You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work. (James 1:3-4A)
  • I pray that you...grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ...that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17-19 partial)
  • Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
  • Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. (Psalm 34:8)
  • Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:1-2)
Till next time, God bless! :)

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Confession Time

Yet again I have allowed myself to lose control. I find myself back at the beginning and at an all time high with my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. I didn't weigh this much when I was nine months pregnant with my ten pound baby boy.

I feel like a nine month pregnant person. I'm miserable, I have trouble moving, my clothes are uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I wobble when I walk.

The cold hard truth is, I'm the only one that can do anything about it. The problem is, I feel so defeated that I don't even know where to start. I feel so overwhelmed with where I have allowed myself to get and this hurdle just feels impossible to get over.

So, beginning again, one day at a time. If I can make it one day, then I can make it two days and so on. Right now though, I have to focus on that ONE DAY. If I think past that I just can't deal. I start to feel the pressure of making the right choices all the time and start to feel out of control.

I truly feel like the right thing for me to do right now is to count calories and try to be more active. Counting calories will allow me a little more freedom with food choices. If I want a piece of chocolate, I can have it. But, I also know that making healthier choices will allow me to improve my health and eat a little more. The goal is health, plain and simple.

In the past several months I have been following the Keto diet plan and I did lose some weight. But, I fell off the wagon and gained it all back. I found all the food restrictions to be difficult to handle and I would end up binge eating carbs and sugar.

One thing I know about myself is that I just can't have trigger foods in the house. If it's here, I will eat it. That's just a cold, hard fact. I have very little self control when it comes to food. I've had to own this truth about myself.

I do have a slow metabolism (hypothyroidism) which puts a kink in things. But, I don't want to allow this to be an excuse. I know I can still lose weight. I just have to put a little extra effort into it.

At this point I'm desperate for change. I'm taking the first step by being transparent and sharing my failures with you. The next step is to start holding myself accountable for my choices, counting my calories and moving my butt.

One other thing I must do is put my faith in God to help me through this. I know that all things are possible with God. When I try to rely on my own abilities it never works. I have to put my eyes on Him and allow Him to take control.

So, I'm starting again and I invite you to come along on the journey. I can almost assure you that it will not be a smooth journey, but it will be interesting.

Till next time...God bless!

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

The Struggle Is Real

I know it's been a while since I have given an update on my progress. There is a good reason for that; my progress has been more like a yo-yo than a steady downward motion like I would prefer it to be.

I could have waited until I was making really good progress to share with you, but the truth is, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL! I have yo-yoed up and down with the same eight pounds for the past few weeks. You read that right, I said eight pounds.

I suffer and am treated for hypothyroidism, which means my metabolism is slow. My doctor has told me that this will hinder my progress. But I really believe the problem lies within myself. I just have to get my head in the game.

I write to you today to be honest and transparent. This journey is HARD and it's not a straight and unhindered path. It's full of twists and turns and hills and valleys. There are definitely days I feel like throwing in the towel and just sitting down with a bag of powdered donuts.

I'm happy to report that I am on the down side of that eight pounds I keep playing with. I've lost four of those pesky pounds. And I know that with God's help I'm going to keep moving forward. I know He's got my back and with Him all things are possible.

I hope that by sharing my journey with you that I might help someone else who may be struggling with their determination and will to keep moving forward. Don't give up!

One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God has a plan for your future. Let Him help you through this journey.

Remember, this is a journey, it's not just a quick trip to the mailbox. We have to take it one day at a time, one step at a time.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Kickin It Up

Thought it was time to post an update. I have struggled with my journey and the scale has not been moving, until now.

I've made some major changes to my way of eating and it has made all the difference. I have lost eight pounds (in nine days) since making these changes.

I'm no longer eating sugar, bread, pasta, high carb fruits, or starchy vegetables. It hasn't been easy. Getting started was a challenge for sure, but I haven't regretted it for a moment.

I'm feeling better than I have in a while and I really don't get that hungry.

What I do eat is a lot of protein, salads, and vegetables. I snack on pickles, pepperoni, cheese sticks, almonds, and pork rinds. For a sweet treat right now I'm snacking on sugar free jello and 70% or higher dark chocolate. I'm trying to limit my intake of sugar free products, as they can have carbs and contain sugar alcohol.

I'm still learning in this process. But so far I am very pleased with the progress I have seen. It's not an easy way to eat, but it is working for me.

Vacation is coming up and I know that's going to be a challenge, but I am going to do all I can to stick to this new eating plan. My health is so worth it.

Before making these changes I was at the point of giving up. My hope was at an all time low. Now I'm seeing a light in the distance.

Until next time, God bless!