Thursday, May 10, 2018

How Many Times Can I Start Over?

I hate how hard it is to lose weight. The struggle to gain control of my self destructive behavior is a daily battle with myself that is never ending. A battle that I have fought for the better part of my life. I have started over so many times and I hate to admit that I've had to start over again just in the past week.

I'm so tired of starting over. I'm tired of watching the scale go up and down. For once I would love to see it consistently going down. When I think of all the times I have lost 30, 50, 70 pounds just to gain it back I could just cry and then kick myself.

I don't know why, but this time in my life seems to be different. It's so much harder than it's ever been before and I'm heavier than ever. I feel the mountain in front of me is too high to climb. Most days I just want to stay in bed under the covers where no one can see what a failure I am. I feel defeated before my feet ever hit the floor.

I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm just being real. I need to vent. Struggling everyday just to put one foot in front of the other is so frustrating.

Quitting is not an option. There may be days that don't go as planned and I may have to keep starting over every day, but I refuse to stop trying.  I'm praying that a "never say die" attitude will eventually take root in my mind. It's going to take a lot of talking to myself and praying.

Lately I've been weak in my prayer life. No excuses, just laziness, I'm ashamed to say. I know when I'm in tune with God that things are better all around.

Things are fixing to change. I know I can do this if I get my head straight and stay focused on the goal. I'm going to continue with Weight Watchers for the time being. I know it will work if I work it. I really do like the new Freestyle program.

I'm praying that I can turn my attitude around and start believing what I'm preaching. Say a prayer for me. Feel free to comment with encouragement or share any tips or recipes you may have. No negativity please.

Till next time, God bless! :)

Friday, March 23, 2018

Eight Pounds Down

I'm glad to report that this week's weigh-in showed a three pound loss. I have now lost a total of eight pounds since beginning Weight Watchers.

My weight loss is slow and steady, which is good, but also a little frustrating. I really want to see results quickly. When I think, "Oh, I've only lost eight pounds!" I remind myself how heavy a five pound bag of sugar is.

I'm eating a lot of fruit and salad which I actually enjoy. My favorite fruit of the moment is pineapple chunks and banana slices for zero points. I make a salad with a few croutons and a packet of tuna fish and I use light Hidden Valley Ranch dressing for four points. Another favorite snack is Dannon Light & Fit Greek yogurt for only two points. My favorite flavors are Strawberry Cheesecake and Blueberry. For my chocolate fix I've been indulging in Hershey Kisses for only one point each. For the most part I can say that I'm staying satisfied.

I really need to step up the exercise. I've been doing a little bit, but not enough. I really want to be able to do yoga but every time I've tried I feel like I'm going to die. I'm going to try and work up to it. Do what I can and try to get stronger. I feel very weak, especially in my legs.

For now, I'm feeling better and more optimistic than I have in a while. What I like most about Weight Watchers is that I can have what I want, I just have to count it. Yesterday I had McDonald's for breakfast and that was okay. Yes, I had a salad for dinner, but it was worth it to me. You have to figure out a way that you can live with it. I'm trying to learn to make a life change and get my mind set off of being on a diet.

Hopefully these little updates are helpful to someone. I want to encourage others that it can be done and no matter how many times you fall down, just keep getting back up. Feel free to comment any tips or encouragement you may have.

I give all the glory to God who is my strength. Hang in there everyone and until next time, God bless! :)

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Progress Update

Week one on Weight Watchers Freestyle was a success. I managed to stay on track and I lost four pounds. I'm still a little overwhelmed by how much I need to lose, but I'm trying not to focus on that. I'm trying to keep my eyes on one day at a time.

I really like the new Freestyle program. There are a lot of free foods and it really does encourage healthy eating. I've eaten a lot of fruit, eggs, tuna, salad and chicken. There's certainly no reason to go hungry on this program. One of my favorite treats right now is pineapple and banana cut up together.

Tonight for dinner we had Mexican Skillet Chicken. It is almost a zero point meal. The only thing I had to count was the cheese. This is a super simple and quick meal. My family really likes it too.


  • 1 bag of cauliflower rice
  • 2 small bags of chicken breast fajita strips
  • 1 can of petite diced tomatoes
  • 2 envelopes of taco seasoning
  • 1/2 cup of chicken broth
  • about a cup of shredded cheddar cheese
  • Steam cauliflower rice in microwave (following directions on the bag). 
  • In a large skillet add cauliflower rice, chicken, diced tomatoes, taco seasoning and chicken broth.
  • Stir well to combine and bring to a boil.
  • Turn down to a simmer and allow to cook for 15 minutes.
  • Sprinkle with cheese and let melt
I hope this week's weigh-in goes as well as last week. I'm anxious to see results. I'm afraid if I don't lose I will lose my motivation and I seriously can't afford to fail this time. It's not just about losing weight, it's about getting healthy and feeling better. I want to be able to breath again.

I will be checking back in soon, hopefully with good news. Till then, God bless! :)

Monday, February 19, 2018

Rock Bottom

Yesterday I joined the Weight Watchers Freestyle program. I feel encouraged that this is a step in the right direction. I have been struggling for a while now and to be honest I've hit rock bottom. My weight has been steadily climbing and I am miserable. 

I haven't shared an update in a while because I didn't want to admit how bad things have gotten. I kept thinking that I would pull out of this slump and get control, but the fact of the matter is I haven't been able to get ahead of it. The higher my weight creeps, the more I want to eat. This past weekend I had to purchase some new clothes because all of mine are tight and uncomfortable. I can't stand looking in the mirror and I just want to hibernate so no one will see me.

I'm an emotional eater and lately I have been out of control. I haven't been sleeping and I spend my nights grazing because I'm frustrated and bored. I've allowed myself to get to a place I never thought I would see.

So, once again, I am starting over. It seems harder this time than ever before. Maybe it's because I feel like I have such a long way to go to get where I need to be. I made it through my first day successfully. The one thing I have to concentrate on is taking one day at a time. When I think to far ahead I get frustrated and overwhelmed. 

Priority number one has got to be placing this whole thing in God's hands. I cannot do this on my own. My biggest mistake is trying to maintain control instead of allowing God to have it. I know that I am capable of success if I will depend on Him. 

So, if you're a praying person, say a prayer for me. I need all the help I can get. If you have any experience with the Weight Watchers Freestyle program feel free to share any advice or tips you may have. I'll be checking back in soon. Till next time, God bless! :)

Thursday, January 11, 2018

The Holidays Are Over

I'm sure I 'm not the only one who can say that the holidays were hard on my will power. My determination and healthy eating plan went out the window most days. Of course I gained weight and now I'm working on repairing the damage.

I had really good intentions of staying on track during the holidays, but I just found the temptations too overwhelming. "I'll start over tomorrow," became my go-to mantra.

Now that the holidays are over, I'm trying to get back into my groove. It's not easy. I'm just going to be real with you, I don't want to do it most days. I want a magic pill that will just make all this fat go away. But, since that's not going to happen, I have to muster up some will power and push through one day at a time.

It has been a slow start. Most days start good, but more times than I like to admit, they end badly. I just am finding it hard to get motivated. I feel like there's no point in trying sometimes. That hasn't stopped me from starting fresh each morning though, so I must still feel like there's some light at the end of the tunnel.

I am starting "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst again. It really is a good book/tool to help with Godly encouragement. There is a book and devotional. I recommend them both.

I share this with you not to discourage, but to just be transparent and real with you. I know there are others who are going through the same thing and I want you to know that you are not alone. I'm certainly not giving up and you shouldn't either. This is a marathon, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Giving God Control

After a week of staying on track, I've lost four pounds. I'm feeling pretty good about it and having a successful week is making it easier to keep going and stay focused.

I feel like a big part of the challenge for me is mental. When I can get my head in the right place it seems like I do better at keeping my eating under control. I won't lie to you, yesterday was hard. I just had an off day where my mood was down and I wanted to eat my emotions.

The good news is, I was able to keep it together. I read my devotional (Made to Crave) and I was able to resist the urge to eat everything in the house. I'm proud of myself and knowing that I was successful is encouraging me to keep going in the right direction.

I cannot stress enough that keeping my mind on God is key. Relying on Him to give me the strength I needed to keep me on track was the only way I was able to get through yesterday. And I know that if I allow Him to He will get me through each day moving forward.

If I allow myself to think too far ahead I just get overwhelmed by how far I have to go. It is important that I only think about the present moment and take one day at a time.

I can find strength in this scripture:
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear...He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
There really is always a way out of temptation. If we are willing to allow God to have control in these situations He will always provide an escape. You just have to trust in Him.

I encourage you to give God a chance to be in control of your journey. Take one day at a time. Get into His word and find scriptures that encourage you. Write them down and keep them in a place where you will see them often. I recommend the refrigerator door or your bathroom mirror. Don't give up, we can do this!

Till next time, God bless! :)

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Getting Back Up

Yesterday I got back up...again. I guess the best thing I can say about myself is that I never stop getting back up. That's the important thing, not how many times I fall down, but the fact that I keep getting up.

I ate just at 1200 calories yesterday, I consider that a perfect day. The problem then was I had to stop eating. Night time is especially hard. I don't sleep much, so late nights are a regular thing for me. It's then while I'm sitting up watching TV, waiting for the sandman to visit, that I get overwhelmed by snacking urges.

Last night was no different from any other night. I heard the call of the snacks. The difference last night was that I felt like I had some of my determination back. I have to give some credit to a book I'm reading along with a devotional by the same name, "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. It's all about craving God instead of food. I highly recommend it.

If I can get my mind off of food and onto God I feel more in control and growing closer to God is an excellent bonus. I can use my cravings as a prompt to pray or to read my Bible. So the credit really goes to God.

The goal now is to keep my mind on God and off of food. I just have to remember to give my control over to Him. He's a better driver than me.

My cousin told me about this song yesterday called "Broken Ladders" by Selah. After I listened to it I had tears in my eyes. It reminded me that I don't have to have control of everything in my life. It can be scary giving up control, but it's very freeing to let go, especially when you're giving the wheel to God.

I encourage you to put your mind on God. Let him help you with your cravings. God can fill you like no food can and there's no regret or guilt.

I'm going to leave you with a few verses that I hope will help to encourage you.

  • Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
  • You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work. (James 1:3-4A)
  • I pray that you...grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ...that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17-19 partial)
  • Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
  • Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. (Psalm 34:8)
  • Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:1-2)
Till next time, God bless! :)