Yet again I have allowed myself to lose control. I find myself back at the beginning and at an all time high with my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. I didn't weigh this much when I was nine months pregnant with my ten pound baby boy.I feel like a nine month pregnant person. I'm miserable, I have trouble moving, my clothes are uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I wobble when I walk.
The cold hard truth is, I'm the only one that can do anything about it. The problem is, I feel so defeated that I don't even know where to start. I feel so overwhelmed with where I have allowed myself to get and this hurdle just feels impossible to get over.
So, beginning again, one day at a time. If I can make it one day, then I can make it two days and so on. Right now though, I have to focus on that ONE DAY. If I think past that I just can't deal. I start to feel the pressure of making the right choices all the time and start to feel out of control.
I truly feel like the right thing for me to do right now is to count calories and try to be more active. Counting calories will allow me a little more freedom with food choices. If I want a piece of chocolate, I can have it. But, I also know that making healthier choices will allow me to improve my health and eat a little more. The goal is health, plain and simple.
In the past several months I have been following the Keto diet plan and I did lose some weight. But, I fell off the wagon and gained it all back. I found all the food restrictions to be difficult to handle and I would end up binge eating carbs and sugar.
One thing I know about myself is that I just can't have trigger foods in the house. If it's here, I will eat it. That's just a cold, hard fact. I have very little self control when it comes to food. I've had to own this truth about myself.
I do have a slow metabolism (hypothyroidism) which puts a kink in things. But, I don't want to allow this to be an excuse. I know I can still lose weight. I just have to put a little extra effort into it.
At this point I'm desperate for change. I'm taking the first step by being transparent and sharing my failures with you. The next step is to start holding myself accountable for my choices, counting my calories and moving my butt.
One other thing I must do is put my faith in God to help me through this. I know that all things are possible with God. When I try to rely on my own abilities it never works. I have to put my eyes on Him and allow Him to take control.
So, I'm starting again and I invite you to come along on the journey. I can almost assure you that it will not be a smooth journey, but it will be interesting.
Till next time...God bless!
