Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Well, it's Tuesday, weigh-in time.  I have really been dreading the scales.  I haven't done just awful this week, but I didn't do as well as I would have liked.  I really have this "can't do" attitude going on at the moment and I know I have got to overcome it.  I need and want to get back to that place where I feel I am in control.

I gained half a pound this week.  I'm not surprised.  I'm just glad it wasn't more.  I know what I have been doing wrong and I know that I need to get more active.  So, this week, my goal is to stay on target and to incorporate more activity and movement into each day.

I really thought at this point in the journey I would be further along, but I have been my own road block.  I have sabotaged myself at every turn.  I am my own worst enemy.  I could make all kinds of excuses for why I have stalled and screwed up along the way, but the truth is, I just haven't committed.

So, here's to another start.  This week I am challenging myself.  I am going to prove to myself that I can win.  I can control my behavior and I have the power to change.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Well people, I'm not doing so good on the diet front.  I rejoined Weight Watchers, but I have managed to gain weight, not lose.  I am very discouraged and down on myself at the moment.  I just can't seem to get my momentum going in the right direction.

No fear, though, I am not giving up by any means.  This week I am doing much better and I am determined to stick to my goal.  I knew starting out that this was going to be a hard road to travel and I told you all that I would be honest about my struggles.

To be honest, I haven't posted in a while because I am so disappointed in myself and I didn't want everyone to know that I haven't made any progress.  But, I feel like if I don't let you know and I don't admit the truth, then I will continue to hide my head in the sand.  So, hopefully this update will give me the kick in the butt I need to get my momentum heading in the right direction.

So, good or bad, I will be giving an update on Tuesday, which is the day I have to weigh in.  I know I'm not alone in this struggle and I hope that I can encourage others battling this same issue.

Till Tuesday....

Monday, August 30, 2010


I did it!  I started exercising today.  I actually walked to my son's school today to pick him up instead of driving. It was about a 40 minute walk round trip.  It was hot!  Of course, it didn't help that I was wearing denim shorts.  I don't currently own a lot, well actually any, exercise appropriate clothing.  I'm going to have to change that.

Although, it was a great opportunity to exercise and spend time with my kid, I probably won't do it again.  He didn't just come right out and say it, but I think he felt it wasn't so cool to be walking home with his mom.  At least I got started and I feel better about myself just knowing I made a positive step.

One little problem, I have a blister on the bottom of both feet.  I don't really know why; I wore my walking shoes and I have never gotten blisters on the bottom of my feet before.  I'm gonna have to invest in some blister block band-aids.  My husband's aunt told me they saved her feet at Disney this summer.

Overall, I am very proud of myself.  I have made a step in the right direction and I feel momentum bubbling up.  I know I can do this.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Lost Another Pound

Lost another pound this week.  I'll take it.  It's better than gaining any day!

It's going slow and that is nobody's fault but my own.  I haven't started exercising yet and I haven't been doing as well as I could with my eating.  I could blame a lot of things, but the biggest problem is me!  I just haven't got the will power under control.

I am determined to start exercising Monday, no excuses!  Even if it is only a 20 minute walk, it's better than nothing at all.  I don't have any energy right now, but I know that once I start getting some exercise that will change.  I always feel better when I exercise.

So, Monday it is.  I'll let ya'll know how it goes!

Till then! :)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Doing Better

Well, I had my weigh-in on Friday and I lost half a pound.  I know it's not much, but it's definitely better than gaining.  I have done much better with my eating since then and I have great expectations for this week's results.

I still have not started exercising.  I know that I need to exercise and I also know that I will get better results if I do.  I just do not have any energy and it has been so hot.  The positive things I remember from exercising in the past are that I always had more energy and it gave me a real boost in the self esteem department.  It feels good to know I am doing something positive for my health.

The problem is figuring out what I can do and what I will stick with.  I mentioned in an earlier blog entry that I have a bad back and I have to be careful what I do or I will end up flat on my back.  I want to do something fun that doesn't really feel like exercise.

So, if any of you readers have any suggestions, please leave a comment.  I would greatly appreciate the input.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Yikes! It's Been a Bad Week

Well, I told you at the beginning that I was going to be honest.  I have had a really bad week.  I didn't just fall off the wagon, I dove off head first.

I have ate everything and anything I could get my hands on.  I don't know what happened to my determination.  It's like I just flipped a switch and things went haywire.  I feel really lousy about this mis-step, but I am not giving up.  I am not going to let this get me down.  

My best friend called me during my out of control spiral and we have agreed to be accountable to each other.  I am very grateful that I have her in my life.  She is like a sister to me and I know that I can tell her anything without fear of judgement.  I just wish she lived closer.  

Now that I have confessed my failure, I have to prepare for a new week and a new start.  I know that I can do this.  I am in control.  

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


"A good meal ought to begin with hunger." --French Proverb

Hunger is the key people!  I have spent the largest chunk of my life eating for the wrong reasons.  Three of my favorites:  "it's time to eat," everyone else is eating," and, "(insert name) offered it to me, I couldn't be rude and not eat it."

I have gone for days without feeling true hunger.  When I really think about that, it's scary.  I never stop eating long enough to get hungry.  It is my new mission in life to be hungry when I eat.  This week is a new beginning for me.

In the past few days I have experienced true hunger and it's amazing how much more satisfying food is when I'm hungry.  I'm also trying to pay attention to how I feel when I eat.  I want to eat to live, not live to eat.  So, another key is to stop eating when I am satisfied and not stuffed.

It's only been a few days, but I can already tell a difference in how I feel, not just physically, but mentally.  I feel like I am doing something good for myself.  I've let myself be controlled by food for so long and now I'm finally in control for once.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm oddly looking forward to weighing on Friday.  I feel good about my progress and hopefully the scales will be in agreement.  I'll let you know how it turns out!

Friday, July 30, 2010


Well, today was "weigh day."  I hate stepping on the scales.  In fact, on my last visit to the doctor I wanted to ask the nurse to let me stand on the scales backwards and to not tell me what it said!  My fear is that one day my doctor's office will have scales that actually say your weight out loud.  Why in the name of all that is holy would someone invent that?

Today was not so bad.  I have lost 3.5 pounds this week.  Yea! Yippee! Praise the Lord!  I feel successful for the first time in a long time.  I know I still have a ways to go, but it feels good to know that I have made the first step.

This week has not been without it's challenges.  Yesterday I wanted to throw in the towel.  I was tempted by fun size Twix bars.  Chocolate is a weakness for me.  I ate one and then the rest of the evening they were calling out to me..."just one more, nobody has to know."  But, I told you all that I was going to be brutally honest, so the other voice inside my head (there are many LOL) that kept saying..."you will regret it, don't give in, you know once you start you won't stop (this voice knows me so well)," won in the end.

I find that with every little slip I become a little weaker.  On the other hand, with every little success I become stronger.  So, I will continue to build on these little successes until I am standing on top of this mountain in front of me.

The next challenge, that I know I must face, is exercise.  I know I need to do it, but I absolutely despise it.  It doesn't help that it is so blazing hot outside.  I have to find something that I can do physically, I have a very old back (degenerative joint and disc disease, bulging discs, bone spurs, blah, blah, blah...you get the point).  I also want to find something that I will stick to.  That will be the hardest part, because like I said this has to be a life change.  It can't be temporary.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Beginning Again

I wish I knew how much weight I have lost in my lifetime.  I'm sure I can't even fathom the number and it would probably only depress me.

I have struggled with my weight since I was about 12 years old.  It has been a constant roller coaster ride.  I lost 70 pounds in high school and managed to keep it off for a few years.  I was at a pretty decent weight when I met my husband and got married.  I even managed to lose weight after I had my son.

It was when my son was two years old that I suddenly started to gain weight uncontrollably and seemingly overnight.  I gained 30 pounds very quickly and I felt like I was going to die.  I went to my doctor and discovered that I had hypothyroidism.

Long story short, I have been on medication ever since.  The medication took away most of the symptoms I had, but it has not taken away the excess weight.  In fact, the battle of the bulge just got much more difficult.  Over the past two years I have lost 50 pounds and gained 20.

That said, I am beginning the journey again.  This week I have started counting calories.  I hate dieting.  I know that true success cannot be obtained through diet.  It has to be a complete change of life.  I have to change my habits and my way of thinking.

I'm inviting you to join me on this journey.  I have 90 pounds to lose.  I will be keeping track of my progress here on my blog.  I intend to be honest.  It will be brutal I'm sure.  I have never been open about my weight.  I mean, it's obvious that I'm overweight.  One only has to look at me to know that.  But, I have never been open and honest about the amount of weight I need to lose and the demons I fight to be obedient to a healthy lifestyle.

So, get ready!  There will be laughter, tears, anger, pain, joy and ultimately success!  I'm determined to change my life. Cheerleaders are welcome to leave comments.  Haters, please stay away.