I had a challenging weekend. There is no doubt, I am very human. In order for this blog to benefit me and my readers I plan to be transparent with my failures as well as my successes.
It started off with an unhappy weigh-in on Friday morning. I didn't gain. For that fact alone I know I should have been happy. But I really wanted to lose and I didn't.
On top of being discouraged by my non-progress, I had started getting sick the prior evening. Having just recovered from a stomach bug the week before; I was very disgusted that I was once again under the weather. By late Friday evening my symptoms included fever, body aches, sinus congestion/pressure, headache, light headed, dizzy, etc...in general, I felt awful. I was so weak that I stayed in bed all of Saturday and Sunday.
Let's go back to early Friday...I started feeling a little sorry for myself, okay, maybe a lot sorry for myself. Not a good "head place" for someone trying to lose weight. Eating has always been a comfort to me. Being sick, depressed, happy, any emotion has been an excuse to celebrate or soothe with food.
So when we stopped by Andy's after lunch I ordered the medium Key Lime Pie Concrete knowing two things: 1) I didn't need it; I was full from lunch, and 2) the small had almost a whole day's worth of calories and I certainly did not have that many to spare.
My internal dialogue went something like this: "I deserve it, I don't feel good. I don't get to have Andy's that often. The Key Lime Pie is a seasonal flavor and if I don't order it today I probably won't get one until next year. I really should order the small. I mean it's not like I'm getting the large, that's a positive, right? No, not really. Oh well, it's only this once!" I know you know what I'm talking about! You've been there!
I'm betting that most of you also know how I felt after I ate that medium Key Lime Pie Concrete. Not only did I feel sick because I was so full; I felt defeated for giving into my food demon. Shame hit me pretty hard also, because I knew I had to blog about this failure.
I promised myself when I started this journey that I would be painfully honest. Even if I only have one reader, I will tell the truth. Because this journey isn't just about changing my life. My hope is to encourage others in this battle. I don't believe that will happen if I don't show you my human side.
Now that I have that off my chest....
No one said this would be easy. It's important for me to remember that I can start over. If I make a poor choice, it's not the end of the world. I just have to end it, and not allow myself to spiral out of control. No, I don't have to starve myself for the next two days. I just have to make healthier choices and keep moving forward.
Till next time....God bless!! :)