Wednesday, July 24, 2013

This Is Me

This is me.  This picture was taken in late June while I was on vacation with my family.  I was miserable.  I couldn't walk and breathe at the same time.

This vacation was a wake up call for me.  I had to do something to change my health.  I did not want to go on being this way.  There were a couple of moments during this vacation that I cried because of how uncomfortable I was in my own body.

I haven't always been this heavy but  I have always struggled with my weight.  When I was about 14 - 15 years old I had reached 200 pounds. That's way too much weight for someone who is only a hair over five foot tall. I decided then to make a change.  I started counting calories and exercising and I managed to lose 70 pounds over the next year.

I kept the weight off for the most part (it was a constant struggle) until I was married.

When I was pregnant with my son I gained 40 pounds.  When he was born he weighed ten pounds and before I left the hospital I had lost 27 pounds.  I lost the rest of the baby weight before returning to work, but I was still a little heavier than I wanted to be.

My son was about two years old when I started Weight Watchers online.  I started losing at a pretty steady pace and was feeling a lot better about myself.  Then something went wrong.

I was dead on my feet.  I was so tired and sleepy (me the insomniac) all the time; all I wanted to do was sleep.  My hair started falling out, my skin broke out, my fingernails were splitting and chipping, and I started gaining weight quickly.  I gained 30 pounds in a month!  I thought I was dying.

I made an appointment and went to see my doctor.  After running some tests, he discovered  that my thyroid had basically quit working.  I have been taking medication for hypothyroidism since that day.

Losing the weight was much harder after that.  It seemed I had to work much harder and it came off very slowly.  I battled with the scales, up and down, up and down.  I eventually just gave up.  I was tired of fighting.

You know what happened then?  I gained more weight.

That brings me to the present.  Here I am, not the heaviest I've ever been, but way too heavy for my small stature and miserable in my own skin.  I'm being gut-wrenchingly honest here.  I don't normally talk about something this personal to me in this open a manner.  My weight is a very personal and embarrassing issue to me.

I have lost four pounds since I returned from vacation.  I'm eating less and moving more.  I'm trying to make positive healthy changes in my life.  I have a long way to go before I reach my goal but I'm more determined than ever to get there.

I have decided to write about this journey because I know I'm not the only person fighting this battle.  I hope that writing about it will help me stay on track.  Maybe it will help you too.  I welcome your encouragement, tips, or even questions (no haters please).

God Bless...

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