Wednesday, July 24, 2013
This Is Me
This vacation was a wake up call for me. I had to do something to change my health. I did not want to go on being this way. There were a couple of moments during this vacation that I cried because of how uncomfortable I was in my own body.
I haven't always been this heavy but I have always struggled with my weight. When I was about 14 - 15 years old I had reached 200 pounds. That's way too much weight for someone who is only a hair over five foot tall. I decided then to make a change. I started counting calories and exercising and I managed to lose 70 pounds over the next year.
I kept the weight off for the most part (it was a constant struggle) until I was married.
When I was pregnant with my son I gained 40 pounds. When he was born he weighed ten pounds and before I left the hospital I had lost 27 pounds. I lost the rest of the baby weight before returning to work, but I was still a little heavier than I wanted to be.
My son was about two years old when I started Weight Watchers online. I started losing at a pretty steady pace and was feeling a lot better about myself. Then something went wrong.
I was dead on my feet. I was so tired and sleepy (me the insomniac) all the time; all I wanted to do was sleep. My hair started falling out, my skin broke out, my fingernails were splitting and chipping, and I started gaining weight quickly. I gained 30 pounds in a month! I thought I was dying.
I made an appointment and went to see my doctor. After running some tests, he discovered that my thyroid had basically quit working. I have been taking medication for hypothyroidism since that day.
Losing the weight was much harder after that. It seemed I had to work much harder and it came off very slowly. I battled with the scales, up and down, up and down. I eventually just gave up. I was tired of fighting.
You know what happened then? I gained more weight.
That brings me to the present. Here I am, not the heaviest I've ever been, but way too heavy for my small stature and miserable in my own skin. I'm being gut-wrenchingly honest here. I don't normally talk about something this personal to me in this open a manner. My weight is a very personal and embarrassing issue to me.
I have lost four pounds since I returned from vacation. I'm eating less and moving more. I'm trying to make positive healthy changes in my life. I have a long way to go before I reach my goal but I'm more determined than ever to get there.
I have decided to write about this journey because I know I'm not the only person fighting this battle. I hope that writing about it will help me stay on track. Maybe it will help you too. I welcome your encouragement, tips, or even questions (no haters please).