Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Still Don't Have My Groove Back

Sunday was Mother's Day.  You know what that means - treats I shouldn't eat right under my nose.  Of course I resisted - NOT!  I ate everything  that wasn't nailed to the kitchen counter.  It's very frustrating to have no self control.  

I'm very tired.  I feel like I have cement in my extremities.  It's an effort just to breathe.  I don't want to feel this way anymore.  I want to feel light and energetic.  I don't want to be trapped in this over sized body the rest of my life.  Scarier still is the thought of how short my life will be if I don't shed this over sized body.

So, why can't I get this right?  Why am I stuck on this roller coaster of overeating and eating the wrong things?  Why can't I get motivated to do the right things?

It's not like I don't know what to do.  I'm not stupid.  I know the right things to eat, I know I should exercise.  I have known most of my life the right things to do.  Worse, I know what could happen to me if I don't do something about it.  I have heart attacks, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol chasing me down.  My father has had open heart surgery twice, he has type two diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure and he isn't really overweight.  The doctors have told him these things are in his genes.  So my being overweight only makes these things more likely for me.  

You would think knowing these things would somehow "scare me straight."  Still, all I want to do is drive to the nearest fast food joint and fill my face with fried food.  Why?  I really don't know.  I truly don't want to be this person anymore.  

So, today, I start over again.  

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